Every relationship has its challenges. From time to time, couples will face obstacles: from small trivialities to fundamental problems, it is perfectly natural, and does not need to be cause for panic. A relationship is more than romantic love, more than excitement; it takes work. Just like a house, a relationship needs a solid foundation to begin from, and as time goes on, it requires maintenance. It doesn’t fall magically into place, nor will it stay perfect without effort from both parties. Even though you both love each other, some problems can be difficult to talk about. A third party, such as a relationship coach, can facilitate the conversation and help to carefully get to the root of the issue. It is important to remember that no-one wants to hurt anyone, and that is not the intention of this type of work – quite the opposite, in fact. We have expectations of our partners, and sometimes not all of them are met. Sometimes this requires us to reflect on ourselves: am I being unreasonable? Could I be more accepting? Or sometimes on the other person: do I feel listened to and heard? Do I feel valued and appreciated? Other times, we must reflect on the relationship itself: are their desires and needs truly compatible with mine? Have we mutually developed unhealthy, harmful habits? These questions are not easy for us to ask, let alone answer. I can help you navigate them, provide some ease and shed clarity on the situation. There often comes a point when a new relationship is transitioning out of the honeymoon phase and becoming more serious, when important matters regarding the future must be faced and no longer avoided. What should the future look like? Do you believe in marriage? Do you want to have children? What are your moral values and ethical principles? Naturally, it can be hard to raise these big questions with someone you love, because these topics are often dealbreakers. But it is important that they are not ignored for the sake of short-term superficial comfort. Otherwise, we end up feeling more hurt and betrayed later on as these truths inevitably come to present themselves. Furthermore, the long-term consequences on both individuals can have serious ramifications when it comes to future relationships. But of course, not all troubles that couples face are of this nature. It can also be difficulties solving conflicts, dishonesty, breakdowns in communication, or something missing when it comes to intimacy.
Do not forget also that, just as there is no shame in an individual seeking help, nor is there any shame in a couple doing so, either. It does not mean that your relationship is weak, or that you are not supposed to be together. It is proof of your collective strength: not only that of your commitment but also of your love itself that you have decided to seek help. I can help you refocus your attention away from minor irritations and instead direct your energy towards the bigger picture: you love each other, and you want to make it work. I want the same thing for you. Coaching can bring problems that seem overwhelming and impossible to tackle into an entirely new light. The perspective of a third, totally unbiased person can be invaluable. It often turns out that things you never even considered are in fact playing a huge role in the conflict. A person’s past, for example, has significant influence over their present. This should be considered by the individual themselves so as not to impair their judgement, but also handled sensitively by their partner. Another vital aspect is your own individual wellbeing: if you are comfortable in your own skin, you do not need to look for external validation. Relationship issues can be discussed far more effectively from a place of self-acceptance than from a place of insecurity, fear and jealousy. These negative forces often cause something small to evolve into a seemingly insurmountable hurdle. It takes courage to acknowledge flaws and make changes, while moving forwards with the acceptance that some things cannot be changed.
Perhaps the most important thing is to understand that the way we think about ourselves and our partner needs to be sought less from other people and more from within ourselves; our self-image should not be informed by outsiders who do not know us or have our best interests at heart. Our confidence, in order to be strong enough to withstand anything; and our self-love, in order for us to love our partner wholeheartedly to the highest of our potential; must both come from within ourselves.